My fascination with memoir continues to grow in today’s interview with Elaine C. Pereira. Her story is a touching and intriguing one, not to mention she shares a wealth of valuable information regarding the self-publishing process and provides a few pointers on marketing as well. Elaine has published many articles on the topic of dealing with dementia. I’m adding her memoir to my TBR list and hope you will too.
1. Please provide a brief synopsis of your book.
The memoir I Will Never Forget-A Daughter’s Story of Her Mother’s Arduous and Humorous Journey Through Dementia the incredible true story of the author Elaine ’s talented mother’s poignant and often humorous journey through the mystifying haze of Dementia. Through superb stories of Elaine’s childhood, from her controversial name, tales of smoking’ dragons and the feisty teenage years, her mother Betty Ward’s wonderful character is revealed.
Over time, as their relationship evolves and a new paradigm is formed, Betty begins to exhibit goofy actions, uncharacteristic verbal assaults and bizarre thinking. Although clearly mystified by her mother’s irrational behaviors, Elaine does not appreciate the extent of Betty’s mental decline. Her amazing ability to mask the truth clouds Elaine’s vision and prolongs her denial until one cataclysmic explosion of reality over an innocuous drapery rod launches a waterfall of destructive events.
As her mother’s brilliant mind is steadily destroyed by Dementia’s insatiable appetite for brain cells, Elaine accompanies her mother on her journey. She witnesses Betty’s fascinating visions of her own mother, masterful Houdini-like disappearances and finally a stunning rally to take control of her own destiny.
I Will Never Forget is a heartwarming, humorous, honest and deeply moving story pertinent to everyone touched by the insidious effects of Dementia. Learn from Elaine’s unwitting mistakes as she weaves her way through her mother’s unpredictable disease to capture insightful and effective intervention strategies.
2. Tell us a little bit about what motivates or inspires your writing.
My mother and I wrote to each other constantly after I moved a few hours away. Our turn around time was probably only a few days. Even if phone communication wasn’t costly “long distance” back then, my mother was very hearing impaired, rendering phone communication a challenge, not a gift. I did not “become a writer” as is probably the case for many authors. My mother’s is a story that needed to be told and inspired by many friends’ casual but on-point remarks like “You should write a book,” I did.
My mother was a kind, brilliant and talented woman all of my life (attributes I’m sure I did not appreciate during my feisty teenage years) until Dementia took hold distorting her persona and leaving an agitated, bewildered and compromised person in its wake. She was a great mom, not unlike all great moms, except that she was mine. She was a trailblazing woman, with a BS in chemistry and Masters in education!
By profession I’m an Occupational Therapist who specialized in pediatrics. Drafting accurate, detailed reports about my evaluations of young children was tantamount to my career. Additionally, however, it was crucial that the wording was professionally styled but understandable to the most significant person responsible for the child’s care, the parent!
Like the Phoenix, from the ashes of her life arose I Will Never Forget. I am humbled and honored to have been able to give back to the woman who gave so much.
The last photo of my mother, January 2011, with my daughter Christie on the left.
3. It’s hard to pick just one, but what do you consider your favorite novel and why?
I do not have a favorite novel. But, If Steel Magnolias had been a novel before a play or screenplay it would be my first choice! I love the title and immediately think of my mom in the same way: a firm, strong, fiercely independent, sweet, elegant and delicate flower.
I especially like based on true stories; the playwright for Steel Magnolias was inspired by his experiences surrounding his sister’s death. Strong characters, complicated and/or intense plot, drama flavored with humor or vice versa. Even Marley and Me which was fall-off-the-chair funny in my opinion, but I think you have to have a dog to appreciate the hilarity, was well written with rich character development and the humor was contrasted against real life sadness in the end.
4. What is the name of your blog and what can readers expect to find there?
I post the most recent articles that I’ve written for the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, Maria Shriver, and Endear for Alzheimer’s as well as guest posts on my website under Articles/Interviews and usually also my blog page. I am not an active blog writer like yourself, as so much time is devoted to new pieces of interest to the dementia community of caregivers and professionals.
5. Are you traditionally published or self-published?
I self-published with iUniverse. I had contacted a lawyer friend of mine who has several publisher clients, but her connections did not open any doors. It is she then who suggested self-publishing. To date I only have this one experience. I purchased their most expensive package with many editing, book cover design, and other relevant features included as (honestly) I didn’t know what I was doing originally and figured I needed a lot of direction.
But after the independent editor read the manuscript and it for was selected for iUniverse’s Editor’s Choice designation, the line copy edit and all of the other necessary formatting was done by iUniverse. There were some additional costs to bring it to the Rising Star status. A little over a year later, it has now achieved the STAR designation including a lengthy endorsements list and awards pages.
Book Signing at Friendship Village, Kalamazoo MI, where it all began. September 2012.
6. Can you offer one or two helpful tips for fellow writers when it comes to marketing and publicity?
In one word: EVERYTHING! Let me just say that self marketing has been a far more challenging and exhaustive task than writing the book! I have followed up with every lead, idea, resource, suggestion, person, direction etc. that I or anyone else ever came up with, in behalf of my book and book sales.
One of the most helpful professionals with iUniverse was my marketing consultant; unfortunately he is no longer with iU. He provided me with a barrage of self marketing avenues, book contest sites and more. It was an overwhelming and exhaustive list and included contacting libraries, local author fairs, establishing FB, Twitter and web sites, book signings, independent book stores, entering book contests, networking with bloggers, and so much more.
- Network with magazines, on-line sites, journals, etc. which are appropriate to the genre of your book, if possible. What has worked best for me and unique to my memoir is writing for the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, MariaShriver.com and Endear for Alzheimer’s.
- Additionally networking with other authors in a similar genre can be very fruitful.
- Enter book contests and blast your success when you achieve recognition. I have won 6 including the prestigious Indie Excellence Award in the Aging Category.
- If you have a genuinely stellar book (let’s be honest here) consider a professional marketing team. It is catastrophically expensive, or can be, but if you really do have a book with “global market appeal” and the resources to fund a publicist campaign, do your homework and take the financial plunge.
7. Describe your writing background.
I’m told I write the way I speak: detailed, articulate and honest, with a splash of sarcasm and humor. Apparently my voice, my personality resonates through the words in text and come alive in the book. I appreciate that observation and take it as a sincere and accurate compliment from those who have shared their perspective.
I do not have “formal training” except life itself and my apparent skill with words.
8. What does your drafting and/or editing process entail?
I started drafting I Will Never Forget sitting near my mother in an eerily quiet room. What most likely began as a cathartic tribute to the vivacious woman I knew as my mom, gradually took form into a masterpiece of love (masterpiece as in a work of artistry, not necessarily more). I scribbled on anything available at first and then wisely brought note pads with me, transcribing while simultaneously editing on my laptop later.
I am both disciplined and spontaneous. Some days I planned on skipping the shower to sit down and write all day, literally in my pajamas. But when random ideas flooded my brain waiting in the dentist’s office, I jotted them down and expanded on them later.
I did not use any critique groups but I did have my husband comment on certain passages sometimes.The detailed mechanics as I refer to smart verses straight quotes, em-dashes (hyphens on steroids), and everything else I didn’t know was wrong or how to fix, was corrected by the publisher iUniverse.
My mother and I making traditional Christmas cookies ay my house, circa 2006.
9. What future projects can we look forward to?
My memoir practically wrote itself. I am passionate about advancing dementia awareness and providing comfort and guidance for families and caregivers walking in the shoes I once trudged through. I will continue to write for ARR and related sites, but I’m not certain if there is another book or not. Possibly.
My ultimate goal is to recoup my ghastly out-of-pocket expenses and then donate generously to Alzheimer’s research. My mother was a private person and would not have endorsed sharing her story were it not for the underlying goal of helping others know they are not alone in their journey through dementia. I speak to all size groups in all types of venues to forward Alzheimer’s awareness.
10. Is there anything else you want your potential readers to know?
Below are links to my favorite articles posted on either of the 3 sites I write for.
My 5 Part Series: How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s When Traditional Words Fail, Try Connecting Through The Senses on Endear for Alzheimer’s: Part 1 Touch, Part 2 Sound and Hearing, Part 3 Aroma and Smell, Part 4 Taste, and Part 5 Vision. On Maria Shriver.com, I received An Academy Award for Caregivers . In addition to numerous articles I’ve written can be found on the web.
You can connect with Elaine on her website where she also offers a personalized copy of her book. In addition, I Will Never Forget is available on Barnes and Noble and iUniverse. Or follow the link below to purchase it on Amazon.
The images in this post appear courtesy of the author.
Article by Jeri Walker-Bickett aka JeriWB
Alzheimer’s, unfortunately, runs in my family on my father’s side. My grandmother and uncle had it. My father lived in fear of it, but he died of other causes. It is quite painful to watch someone you love deteriorate.
Personally, I am most interested in research on the relationship between nutrition and Alzheimer’s.
Good luck to you, Elaine, with your book. Gratifying to know you hope to donate to further research.
Thank you Leora for sharing your past and present. I’m not an expert on the research btw nutrition and Alz but in general the current research supports the overall likelihood of stalling or avoiding Alz w good health habits. I am not aware of a specific nutritional avenue that works against the onset of Alz (like the grapefruit diet of something) but my mother’s Alz was late in onset but like she fell off a cliff when it took hold, possibly because she followed a heart healthy diet and exercise routine. Quoting Dr. Oz “What’s good for your heart, is good for your brain”
Great interview. God luck with all Elaine. It is now on my wife’s tbr list
Thank you. If you’re a Kindle reader, it’s .99 through the end of March and i do signed copies too. Thanks
Dementia is such a sad disease because you lose the essence of the person you love while they are still alive. My father’s girlfriend is in the early stages and she’s frightened when she’s aware, angry, and vulnerable. It’s hard on my dad too. I feel for both of them.
The information about self-publishing and marketing is eye-opening, isn’t it?
I don’t know how you find these wonderful writers, Jeri, but thanks for bringing them to our attention.
Thanks Jagoda. Your comment about “essence” is perfect! Alz robs one of the very essence that defines a person. Thank you also for the compliment of self published authors.
Elaine, thanks for joining us today and sharing so many great insights into the process of writing and subsequent marketing of your book. Dementia hasn’t touched my family, but mental illness has. It is always so hard to see someone you love change into a different person before your eyes.
Thank YOU Jeri for hosting me. I look forward to your review and that of others if they read the book.
What a great interview, Jeri – i particularly liked where Elaine says “I’m told I write the way I speak: detailed, articulate and honest, with a splash of sarcasm and humor.” – i could practically “hear” the interview as if i was in the room and you two were talking…
I too had an aunt (grandma’s sister, actually) who had Alzheimer’s. It’s a cruel disease…
Recently, one of my clients held a webinar on the topic (Understanding the Signs, and Financial Advisors’ legal & Ethical Liability) – his guest was Jack Broyles, Chairman Emeritus of the Alzheimer’s Association – Greater Dallas Chapter, and one thing he said stuck with me – that an individual does not get Alzheimer’s. A family does.
Great, great interview, Jeri and Elaine!
Thanks Diane! “I’m told I write the way I speak: detailed, articulate and honest, with a splash of sarcasm and humor.” It is a cruel disease and I told my mother’s story w the passion and frustration that I felt!
Elaine, it’s very nice to meet you here, and Jeri, thank you for hosting Elaine. My mother was diagnosed with dementia in 2009, when she was 73. I believe she was more susceptible to it because her schizophrenia made her so reclusive and she spent many years in isolation. I know that there are many elderly people who are in a similar situation to some degree, not with the schizophrenia, but with the lack of interaction. For my family, the circumstances of my mum’s isolation were quite complicated, but I hope that this is something caregivers and family members take into consideration as they work with their aging relatives and friends.
The research clearly shows the significant Laura, I literally cringed reading your mother’s history of schizophrenia! The research clearly substantiates the pitfalls of social isolation and the likelihood of Alz setting in. 73! Wow. We understand so much about Alz but w each step forward opens more questions!
I completely agree that Alz is a disease like no other!
We lost my wife’s father to dementia last year. This is a struggle I would wish on no one. It is good you found an outlet for the pain.
I completely agree that Alz is a disease like no other! It is a terrible disease!
Elaine’s book is wonderfully touching. I’ve read it. I know.
This book inspired me to interview my son, too, as part of my memoirs. It also inspired me to write another letter to my son.
I both laughed and cried when reading I Will Never Forget. You will, too, if you read it.
Thanks Lorraine! As always, people come into our lives sometimes at the right time as you did.
This topic is so important right now. There is a flood coming and no one is preparing for it. No one is even listening… Perhaps writing about personal experiences is the only way to get attention to the topic.
Slowly, but too slowly, people are listing. It’s one book, one seminar, one blog post, one discussion at a time brings our collective voices together to be heard. And advocates never give up!
The loss of a parent to Alzheimer’s or Dementia is so final, especially in the last stages of the disease. I lost my dad in that way in his final years. It was heart braking to not have the ability to talk to my dad in that very special father/daughter kind of way. So, I too, write my stories to bring that part of him and my mom back to life. Elaine, I applaud you in advocating for the ones affected by this disease on both side.
Thank you very much Susan for sharing with me/us. It is FINA! and it’s a bizarre, mystifying disease that alters the very essence of who we are! Thanks for your stories too.
Thank you very much Susan for sharing with me/us. It is FINAL! and it’s a bizarre, mystifying disease that alters the very essence of who we are! Thanks for your stories too.
Another good interview, Jeri. I like what you said, “I’m told I write the way I speak…”, Elaine. I’m not a writer in your or Jeri’s class by any means. But, a storyteller for fun on my blog and that’s how I write. And it is no doubt laden with many proper English mistakes. I’m so glad you wrote this book – a very important topic that people needs so much awareness. I’ve had plenty of experience with the cruelties of dementia.
Thanks Mike. “Cruelties of dementia” well said. Even one experience is one too many!
Alzheimers is a difficult disease to live with, but it makes for very interesting reading. The tears and terrors are no less present than fascination and the humour. I think that’s a very good thing. It means people will be enticed to read and hopefully, bit by bit, we will see better awareness. Our health systems are certainly not ready to manage the impact it will eventually take on our social and health systems.
Debra, What a wonderful observation: “people will be enticed to read and hopefully, bit by bit, we will see better awareness” One book, one story, one blog at a time, we move forward
I love her advice on marketing…so important to take a proactive step here, as the market is so saturated with material! Also really love how her and her mother’s writing of letters was inspirational in doing the book, what a very special thing to reflect back on! Thank you for sharing!
Sounds like a difficult book to have written but a rewarding one for her readers. Also a great little lesson in the cost & effort required to self publish. phew! All sounds a bit daunting so good for Elaine on persevering.
Jess. Thanks for your comments. Too bad “letters” are almost obsolete.